Effort in Asana

Everything in life has equilibrium, the “happy medium”. I believe this is also true for the amount of effort one places on their asana practice. Effort may be in the form of the physical strength necessary to keep muscles and bones steady in a posture. Effort may also be exerted to control the breath and ensuring long, deep, inhales match long, deep, exhales while practicing. And effort may be exercised to still random thoughts and in steering the mind to focus and concentrate during practice.

If I do not put enough effort into my practice, my posture wobbles, my breath is uneven or my mind wanders and I lose touch with my practice and my self. If I exert too much effort, I could tear a muscle, get dizzy or forget where I am and what I am doing. Although, it is very rare (if ever?) that I would exert too much effort on stilling my thoughts—my mind is a very wild place that needs much effort to control.

Another point that is also true of effort is that it changes each time you practice. The effort I put into the physical asana when I began practicing yoga several years ago was very weak compared to the effort I exert now, mostly because my body was untrained, or I was unsure of what I was doing. My effort then was on watching the teacher, trying to see what she was doing and copy it. Or I would back off on a pose because I did not feel good in it. Now that I know more about the poses after practicing them for years, I exercise less effort on how “correct” the pose looks and more effort on how I can settle into and enjoy the posture. The focus of my effort in asana has shifted.

I also exert more effort in engaging muscles and bandhas and also more effort into controlling my breath than I did when I began. Again, practice makes it easier, but as my practice matures, I discover new things about my practice to which I explore.

For instance, I recently began focusing more on my lungs. I learned more about the lungs and how they work, so I have begun to put effort into feeling and investigating my lungs. I learned that the lungs have three lobes. While lying in bed one night, I took several long breaths, filling and emptying my lungs. I realized that there were two very subtle pauses in both the full inhale and full exhale, separating my breath into three sections. It was like driving a car over small cracks in the road—if you did not see them and know they were there before, you otherwise would never have noticed the light "tap" of the wheels over them.

I also learned about pulmonary pressure and how the diaphragm works. The diaphragm also has a happy medium. Full inhale creates effort on the diaphragm to contract, and when it relaxes, it brings the lungs to a neutral breathing area. Effort on the ribcage muscles (I think) to contract allows the lungs to exhale completely, then it relaxes back to equilibrium.

Too much effort, too little effort? It is a question to apply on effort in asana from day-to-day. One day I may find it easy to do a pose, the next day difficult! It depends on my energy and how my body, mind and breath are tuned together. Every time I practice, I adjust levels of effort to ensure the equilibrium is maintained.

Memorizing Sanskrit: Standing Sequence

Yesterday, I spent time memorizing the Sanskrit names of the poses in the standing sequence in order. I used David Swenson's book to look at the parts of the names (i.e. pada = foot, hasta = hand, uttana = intense). Once I recognized the patterns, I could put the names together. I said them out loud over and over. By the evening I was able to stumble through without looking at the book for hints.

This morning, I went through them again. Then, in practice this evening in the studio, before I did each pose, I whispered the name into my hands. Here they are in order from my memory:

• Padangustasana
• Padahastasana
• Uttitatrikonasana
• Parivrittatrikonasana
• Uttitaparsvakonasana
• Parivrittaparsvakonasana
  
• Prasaritapadattonasana (4)
• Parsvottanasana
• Uttitahastapadangustasana (4)
• Ardabadapadmasana
• Utkatasana
• Virabadrasana (2)
  

Asana Saturday Session

Today was another workshop with Kathy for YVT Teacher Training. We started off with an Ashtanga second series class. Kathy asked if anyone would be willing to teach Ashtanga Primary series for Scott who was not feeling well. I hesitated a moment; Shannon, another teacher who teaches Ashtanga was there. I expected she would cover. But she did not speak up so I said I would do it. Kathy was grateful.

When I got to the class only one person showed. I was very happy to take it. We had, basically, a personal session. I assisted her when I could and showed her a few things to try. She knew the series well enough, but it was a challenge for me to get it in the right order.

When I came back, another student had given a presentation on anatomy.

We did some partner yoga/acrobatics for fun.

Summer feeling in the air

Today the weather was wonderful. It makes me think that we are going to pay for it later and have lots of rain. We do need some for the new sprouts.

But the weather was great for a 5 year old chomping at the bit to play outside. By the end of the day, the neighborhood was full of wet kids having fun in the sunshine and warmth with sprinklers and squirt guns. It's a chaotic, yet beautiful, sight to behold.

YVT Methodology&Practicum Tuesday Session

I attended a Tuesday workshop on methodology and practicum today at YVT. It was during my Seniors class, and sure enough, 4 seniors arrived for regular class! They had been away so did not get my message that class was canceled for that week.

Asana is sometimes referred to as "seat". As in a "seat" for meditation. Grounding, rooted. Ready to meditate. We practiced for about an hour, trying different things. Kathy asked us to think about how our mind wandered or stayed focused during practice. And did we wonder about some of the "easy" postures? Most of the time, they would be setting us up, getting us ready for, something that took more concentration and effort.

We did a lot of backbends. Tried different things like "pushups, jumping, holding legs up. The funny thing is that I was too tired from class the night before. I really wanted to try the handstand into back bend and back over...but my body just said, "NOPE!" so I assisted others.

Assisting handstands to backbends. TWO PEOPLE. As the person goes into handstand (legs bent) and coems down, guide them gently down, but allow their own force to bring them over. Then, place one hand on their back, the other on their hamstring. Then give them the "omph" to get over. Throw their legs if necessary.

We broke up into groups talking about the 21 day experiment and another talking about asana.

I spoke about the insurance options that I researched.

Saturday we'll get into some anatomy stuff.

Yoga insurance

Information on yoga teacher's insurance that I researched recently. Each individual may have specific needs and should call for specifics if they see a provider that appeals to them.

1. Health Providers Service Org (1-800-982-9491)
Coverage: $1M per occurrence / $3M aggregate
- No deductible
- Professional liability coverage
- Personal Injury coverage
- $500 / $10K property damage
- $2K / $100K medical expenses
- NO sexual abuse liability coverage
- Disability insurance option available separately
Proof of certificate or license required (Yoga Alliance accepted. If not Yoga Alliance, you may submit other certificate to HPSO for review)
Required HPSO dues: $1.00 (one dollar)
Full-time annual rate: $150.00
Part-time (teach less than 24 hours/week) rate: $100.00
Underwriters: American Casualty Company of Reading, Pennsylvania, a CNA company

2. Fitness and Wellness Insurance (1-800-395-8075)
*NOTE: Yoga Journal Benefits Plus and NAMASTA use Fitness and Wellness Insurance; coverage outlined below. You can get the same F&WI as a member of Yoga Alliance, Kripalu Yoga Teacher's Association, Integral Yoga Teachers Association, Iyengar Yoga National Association of the United States and others found on www.fitnessandwellness.com
Coverage: $2M occurrence / $4M aggregate
- No Deductible
- Professional liability
- Personal Injury
- $100,000 property damage
- $2500 medical expenses
- $100K / $300K sexual abuse liability
NO Occupational accident insurance option available. It is stated on their PDF files online, but I called and spoke directly and was told it is no longer available. Call your membership organizations for other disability insurance options.
Additional costs: Must be a member of one of above mentioned organizations. (i.e. NAMASTA dues are $99, Yoga Alliance is $55 for basic RYT).
No proof of certificate required (but may be required by membership organizations)
Full-time rate: $205/year
Part-time rate (teach less than 6 (six) hours a week): $145
Underwriters: Philadelphia Insurance Company

3. Yoga Journal's Benefits Plus (Fitness and Wellness Insurance)
Coverage outlined in F&WI above except disability insurance from Northwestern Mutual option available separately.
Required Benefits Plus annual dues: $55 (see Yoga Journal online for list of benefits)
Fitness and Wellness insurance "discount" rate: $185/year (less $15.95 if you decline the subscription to Yoga Journal)
Part-time rate (teach less than 6 (six) hours a week): $125
No proof of certificate required.

4. Sports and Fitness Insurance Corporation (800-844-0536)
Coverage: $1M occurrence / $3M aggregate (call for pricing and sub-limits ranging from 500K / $1M to $2M / $3M )
- No deductible
- Professional liability
- Personal injury
- Property damage
- $10K “no fault” coverage on medical expenses
- $100K/$300K sexual abuse liability
Occupational accident insurance option available separately
Proof of certification NOT required to get insurance. Will be required if a claim is filed against you
Insurance rate: $200
No Part-time rate
Underwriters: Liberty Mutual

5. Venbrook Insurance (800-991-3080)
Coverage: $1M occurrence / $3M aggregate - (call for pricing and sub-limits on options up to $2M / $5M)
- No deductible
- Professional liability
- Personal injury
- Property damage
- $2500 medical expenses
- $100K/$300K sexual abuse liability
No disability insurance option available
No certification or membership required
Insurance rate: $210
No part-time rate
Underwriters: Philadelphia Insurance Company

21 Day - Day 19

This weekend was very busy. I did not journal at all, but I did continue to do nauli every day. Of all of the things I have kept on so far these "21 Days", nauli seems to be my new habit change.

I found it difficult after about two weeks to keep it up. I did learn to become more mindful and compassionate when I drive. Every time I do something I think is not along those lines while driving, I think about it and change my behavior.

Chair Yoga for FIL

BEFORE YOU START
* It is best to be seated in a chair with no arms. If there are arms on your chair, come to the front edge of the seat to do the exercises.
* Wear comfortable clothing that allows you free movement. If you are wearing a belt, loosen or remove the belt.
* For best results, do full routine once a day. Once you are comfortable with it, add another session and do twice a day.
* To begin, pick one or two favorites exercises and do them anytime during the day.

BREATHING
All breathing should be done through nose. Inhale through nose. Exhale through nose.

• Inhale a long, controlled, and deep breath. Feel the air fill your abdomen, your ribs expand, and finally the air fills your neck. Hold air in for a moment before letting air out in a controlled, long exhale. Repeat 5 times.

Use this breathing technique, and be conscious and aware of your breath, for the duration of the exercises. Note: if coordinated breath movements cause dizziness, hold one side for 2-3 full breaths, then do same on other side.

SEATED
While doing seated exercises, be aware of your posture. Sit tall, shoulders back, chest strong. Knees bent and feet flat on floor. Hands relaxed on thighs.

1. Inhale. Exhale right ear to right shoulder, keep shoulder relaxed. Inhale head up, exhale left ear to left shoulder. Inhale up, exhale chin to chest, look at lap. Inhale up, exhale head back, look at ceiling. Inhale up and repeat.
2. Inhale, shoulders up to ears. Exhale, roll shoulders back, sit tall. Repeat 3 times.
3. Keeping hands on thighs, roll your torso around clockwise 5 rotations. Stop and roll counterclockwise 5 rotations.
4. Inhale, bring arms up over head, stretch toward ceiling. Exhale, lean to right. Inhale, straighten. Exhale, lean to left. Inhale straighten. Repeat 3 times.
5. Inhale, arms up, palms facing forward, bend elbows into a right, roll shoulders back. Upper arm is parallel to floor, forearm and hands are perpendicular to floor. Keeping the arms steady, exhale and twist to the right. Inhale back to center. Exhale twist to left side. Repeat 3 times.

For the following exercises, come to edge chair. Straighten legs. Keep upper body strong, seated tall.

1. Inhale, lift right leg, flex foot. Keep leg straight for the duration of 3-5 full breaths. Relax. Repeat left side.
2. Inhale, lift right leg, flex foot. Exhale, point toes (extend). Repeat flex and extend 5 times on right side. Relax. Repeat on left side.
3. Inhale, raise right leg, flex right foot. Roll foot around ankle clockwise for 2 breaths. Reverse direction for 2 breaths. Repeat on left side.
4. “Forward Bend” With legs straight, inhale and look up at ceiling. As you exhale, lower your chest down toward your thighs. Keep arms straight as the hands slide down the front of your legs. Take 3 full breaths.
5. “Grinding Grain” Inhale, arms up in a circle in front of you, clasping hands. Exhale, roll your torso out and around clockwise, arms make a motion as though you were grinding grain. Continue motion for 2-3 full breaths. On an inhale, stop, exhale reverse direction (counterclockwise) for 2-3 full breaths.
6. “Rowing” Inhale, bring hands up to chin level, make loose fists. Exhale, bend torso forward as the arms extend up and out toward your feet. Inhale, your torso comes back up and the arms row down and back up to chin level to complete the “circle”. Be aware of your neck as you row; keep head and neck steady.
7. "Swimming" Inhale right arm up and back chest turns slightly to right. Watch your hand as arm arcs overhead. Exhale, extend right arm long over right leg and begin to turn chest and gaze to the left. On your inhale, left arm comes up, watch your hand arc over your head. Exhale, extend left arm long over left leg and begin to turn chest and gaze to the right. Repeat both sides 5-10 times.

Come back to sitting with knees bent and become conscious of your posture again. Sit tall. Shoulders back, chest strong. Knees bent and feet flat on floor for the following stretches.

1. Inhale, bring right knee up, clasp hands around knee. Exhale, pull knee up toward chest. Take 3-5 full breaths. On last exhale, release. Inhale, repeat left side.
2. Inhale, bring right knee up, clasp hands around knee. Exhale, pull knee into chest. Inhale, flex foot, Exhale extend foot. Repeat 3-5 times. On last exhale, release. Inhale, repeat left side.
3. Inhale, bring right knee up, lay right ankle on left knee. Use hands to hold leg into position. Exhale, sit tall. Take 3 full breaths. Release, inhale, repeat left side.

STANDING
For the following exercises, stand 12-18 inches behind the chair, keeping the back within arms reach for support. With feet flat on the floor, check your posture. The crown of your head is lifted toward ceiling, chin parallel to floor. Back is straight, spine long. Scrunch your shoulders up to ears as you did before, roll them back and down.

1. Soften knees and bounce. Try to allow heels to come off the floor.
2. Inhale, exhale and rock forward onto toes, heels come off the floor. Inhale, rock back on heels, lift toes up off floor. Repeat 5-10 times.
3. Inhale, Exhale and bend both knees, as deep as you can. Hold position for duration of 2-3 full breaths. On an inhale, rise back to standing. Repeat 3 times.
4. Inhale, bend right knee so toes on right foot are barely touching floor. Hold position for duration of 2-3 full breaths. On exhale, relax. Repeat on left side. Do both sides 2-3 times. Eventually, try to get foot entirely off of floor, raised in front of you.
5. Inhale, bring right foot behind you 1-2 feet, toes touch floor. Exhale, bend left knee slightly, press right heel down toward floor. Hold position for duration of 2-3 full breaths. Repeat on left side.
6. Turn to your right; the back of the chair will be on your left side. Place your right foot in front of you and widen the distance between your feet approx 2-feet. Your right knee will be bent. The left leg is straight, with a soft knee. Your left foot may turn out between 45-90 degrees from your body. Feel both feet press into the ground.
   6a.“Warrior” Keeping upper torso straight and strong, lift right arm straight above your head. Hold position for duration of 2-3 breaths. note: for more challenge, lift both arms over head
   6b. “Lunge” Place hand(s) on upper thigh of right leg. Press hand(s) into thigh and lean over right knee. Hold position for duration of 2-3 breaths. Come back to standing and turn to your left with chair on your right side. Repeat exercise with left leg in front, right leg behind.
7. Stand approx 24 inches behind chair, with your feet approx. 1 foot apart. Place hands on back of chair. Inhale, look up at ceiling, pull chest toward chair and roll shoulders back. Exhale, look down at floor, shoulders roll in and back arches toward ceiling. Repeat 3-5 times.
8. Stand approx 24 inches behind chair. Place hands on back of chair. Widen legs so that your feet are 2-3 feet apart. Inhale, look up, exhale fold forward. Hold position for duration of 5 full breaths. Release.
   

REST
It is important, esp. if you have done more that 30 minutes of these exercises, that you find a comfortable position to rest your body. You can just fall asleep on the couch, but I recommend sitting in your chair and do the following with eyes closed.
1. Sit comfortably in your chair as you did in the beginning. Shoulders back, hands on thighs, feet flat on ground. Neck is relaxed, head is steady.
2. Take another deep, long, controlled inhale through nose. Exhale through the mouth, sighing out loud. Repeat once more.
3. Listen to your breath. Feel your breath. Keep your thoughts steady—don’t let your mind wander. Stay present by focusing on your breath.
4. Hold this for 5-10 minutes…or however long you want!

21 Day - Day 16

11:00PM
Watched "Soul of Tibet" this evening. An A&E Biography of The Dalai Lama. It was just a factual timeline of events about his life. One piece of insight from TDL was: without an enemy, you can not truly learn patience and tolerance. enemy is the real teacher.

I also watched some adaptive yoga DVDs to create a routine for my Father-in-Law. One on yoga for diabetes and another on chair yoga.

21 Day - Day 15

8PM
A whole day has gone by and I just am now able to sit down and write. Very good connecting with my boys today.No yelling. They listened well and did things I asked. We all spent time outside cleaning up the front yard of debris. Julien helped me in the Day Lily garden. I made potato rolls for dinner.

21 Day - Day 14

9:15AM
Preparing for Seniors class. Watching Kripalu DVD gave me stimulation and ideas. Had an interesting dream this morning...I dreamed that I was doing the handstand-backbend and back over several times. Effortlessly. I was hovering in Space just above the Earth, no friction, just fluid motion over-back over-over again. As I came back over, I stood in handstand a moment, then I started to fall toward Earth. Sparks burst from my head, like a comet. Flames and light flowing down my body as I shot like a falling star to Earth. My eyes were closed but I had a huge smile on my face. I felt no heat, no resistance, no fear of falling. Then logic took over and I thought, 'wait a minute, if I'm falling to Earth, I would definitely feel heat.' Then I woke up.

11:45AM
Ended Seniors class. Went well. Feedback was that the workout was good. I almost ran out of time! New student joined, from Monday class. She was upset about yesterday's class being cancelled and not being told. I was empathetic and she joined my class. I hope she returns.

8:00PM
My son has been uber-challenging today. I witnessed him pnuch a peer. However it was a part of the game or not, I requested he stop. He continued. I called him over to discuss and he raised his fist at me. I sent him inside. I do not know what to do sometimes. I want to let him outside unsupervised, but if he ignores my please then it's a disciplinary action required and supervised visits with friends.

He acted out again at Soccer tonight. He even said "yay, I get to go home." I know he's not thrilled with soccer, but I need him to continue if he wants to do more things. I kept my cool, but I told him that anywhere we go, no matter if it be shopping, he'll be done for the day.

Listen to your practice

The following is an excerpt of someone else's revelation in the 21 day experiment. I am posting it because it is enlightening, inspirational and I do not want to forget it...

"For my 21 days, I chose to honor my body and really pay attention to how I was feeling and what it was telling me. If I have to pee, I go; If I'm tired, I sleep; and so on. Through this quiet listening, I've also found that sometimes your heart tells you things too - just like your bladder tells you to pee, and your eyes tell you you're tired.
"My heart has always quietly told me that my career...was not the essence of my happiness - and never will be. I used to ignore those questions that popped up when I was working late into the night - is this really worth it? wouldn't I love to go home to see my family? why am I doing this?
"Since I started listening, I realized it wasn't a quiet whisper, my heart was shouting at me - I just ignored it for so long. The same way that my bladder now screams when I have to pee - it's no longer ignorable like it used to be.
"Yoga, in it's multitude of forms, is the essence of my happiness - and always will be. Listen to your practice."

21 Day - Day 13

8:00AM
Woke up a little behind but I found a chance to do nauli and neti today. Got my son motivated to get out of bed and on to school

1:00PM
It is hard to practice compassionate driving when people drive so terribly. Not taking others' lives into account whent hey get behind the wheel of a car.
On my way to pick up Domenick, a young man was driving his sports car, passing another car, causing several of us to veer off the road to avoid collision. I am sure these two cars were racing. I honked my horn and flipped him off--energy wasted as I shoul have been taking numbers and info to deliver to police.

8:00PM
Took kids out to Marie's so I could practice tonight. I felt great. Did a handstand with support in shoulders, legs independently straight up. I also altered my practice a bit. Did primary series and threw in some of my favorite secondary series poses as well.

21 Day - Day 12

Easter Sunday. I took a break from my 21-day assignment.

21 Day - Day 11

10:30PM
Busy today. Went skiing with kids, both did fair. I think they are sick of skiing. Then colored Eggs for Easter. Went to dinner...kids were surprisingly GOOD at dinner.Julien super-excited about Easter bunny. Domenick was more so earlier in week. Less now. He'll be happy to see little legos. And chocolate.

I have done well. A little frustrated when Julien and I came back to condo. I had to carry all gear, and keep him motivated to get to condo. Then, we had a fabulous time riding up the tram after. Julien happy, excited the whole way. He wanted to get off, but I convinced him to come back down. He took a nap when we got back which made dinner great. He went right to be, with thoughts of Easter bunny in his head. He even pulled up the shade to look outside for the Easter Bunny. Domenick was more trying. He had quite an attitude so I gave him a time out on the couch. He got better with direct play-contact. I felt better about his attitude.

21 Day - Day 10

7:15 AM
Practiced nauli, hurt a little-maybe full bowels. My body feels better from doing short asana series yesterday, working out kinks. Busy day today, going to celebrate Easter at Jay. Preschool and playgroup before all of that.

2:15PM
Major infliction on my quest for compassionate driving. I did OK this morning, but on our way to an appointment, I was SO frustrated with other drivers. I did not swear, but I expressed anger. I was also short with the kids, but I think I am doing better at controlling my snippy outbursts toward them. I let them bring their bikes to this appointment and they were very happy for doing so.

21 Day - Day 9

It's a Full moon today at 11AM.

Noon
Made granola all morning--fun; ishvara pranidhana Kids played GREAT together the whole time. I'm still trying to get through the dishes and laundry. We have no plans to go anywhere. Just being a Mom today. Practicing Compassionate Driving should be easy!

4:30PM
Playdate again today here. Enjoyed talking, this time NOT gossiping! was great. We talked more about the community, the schools (budgets, needs). Ate apples, nuts, granola, drank tea. Kids played well. I do feel good about getting the dishes done and cleaning up the kitchen area before they arrived.

Drove to the store. A little too fast on the way there. But made a conscious effort to practice compassionate deriving on way home. JT tired, in front of TV now. D outside playing hard.

9:15PM
Did asana between 5:20-5:40 today. While JT rested. Called D in for dinner around 6pm, he threw a fit, but came inside. He and JT ate very well at dinner (salmon and broccoli) Went up to get redy for bed rather well, too.

Dinner dishes are done!

21 Day - Day 8

9:45AM
Frustrating morning. Stepped in dog poo. Forgot sons shoes. Saw an accident, two actually. Seems to be a crazy day. Moon must be....yep. Almost full. I did not practice compassionate driving well today.

11:00PM
Reflecting on the day. I have had a difficult time keeping up with my goals today. My MIL backed into our garage. I did not feel right at yoga. Discussed the full moon activity with some who said joints and ligaments are not what you want at full moon. I think it is the body's fluids are off balance.

21 Day - Day 7

6:45AM
Still re-living the Girl Scout yoga last night. I feel a little sore, but ready to start the day.
I resolve to not use the computer until after lunchtime. (Broke that promise by 8AM)

11:30AM
Just finished Seniors class. Two women. small group, but getting my feet wet. I made it rather vigorous in the beginning, ending low and restful. So far, doing well with the yamas and niyamas.

6:00PM
We are at Soccer. I spent time with both boys outside today. My MIL watched them while I taught. We talked about our husbands afterward. And how things are frustrating with them. I complained about how Erik treated me last night when I taught yoga: "You have to put you life on hold for 6 years." WTF?? I was upset, but I kept my toungue still. No use arguing wiht his irrationality. My anger was contained and I let him espouse. Someday he may figure out what time wiht his boys is valuable. They are growing up quickly. They won't wait for him.

21 Day - Day 6

10:00AM
Getting D to school was a challenge so I was frustrated again with him, mimicking him. My point was that his behavior was annoying. Not appropriate adult behavior, and JT let me know it!He came up to me and said that D did not sound like that and I gave him a hug for defending his brother. I said that they were right and we all got along better.

Parent teacher conference this morning everything I expected.

2:30 PM
We took a walk today after school. I parked low. JT did well keeping up. The boys have been very loving today. I think I did a better job driving compassionately. I do not recall a negative thought.

5:00PM
Today, kids and I played a game. We hid objects in a bag and the other person had to guess by feeling it. We had a great time with that!

10:00PM
Taught a class to Girl Scouts this evening. Ages 10-13...maybe? I had some chatty girls, some flexible girls, I some with esteem issues. Class may have been too challenging for a couple, but most enjoyed the challenge or getting their bodies to do things they had not done before. One girl really tried everything and seemed to pick up the "contortions" well. Another had a hard time with backbend and other things...but beamed widely when she got into handstand. I got them all to OM with me!

21 Day - Day 5

8:30AM
I have been thinking about my brother's girlfriend and her situation. I wish I had a better way to communicate with her. She complains often, and acts upset all of the time, at everything. Being around her, she makes me feel sorry for her, but then later I feel as though she needs to do more with herself to change her "unhappiness". She rarely acknowledges with someone has done something nice for her. This is an instance where I think about the satya 'rule of thumb' I posted. Before speaking, check:
Is it true?
Is it necessary?
Is it kind?

What I feel is truth to me. Is it necessary to talk to her? Maybe. But maybe it is better left unsaid for the sake of harmony. Is it kind...she may not perceive it as such, although understaning the truth, and study oneself will help put them in a better position later in life. If they are willing and open to listening. I do not believe she is ready. Nor ever will be.

11:30AM
Practiced nauli. Read an email about Moon Salutations. I tried them. Would love to try these tomorrow with the Girl Scouts, but I need to stick with things I already know well. I practiced it but I'm too cold now.

I have decided to take meditation off of my goal list. It's too hard to get through most of them and I'm not ready to meditate wiht a greedy, needy family.

Quote I saw today: "Be the change you want to see in the world" Mahatma Gandhi.

8:00PM
I'm lucky if I can even get three entries in each day. I TOTALLY gossiped today, and realized that I did it on the second day of this assignment! It is not even nice gossip. It's the I-really-don't-know-if-it's-true-but-I-heard-from-a-friend kind. Horrible! Worthless. And I remembered that my husband and I were making fun of someone indirectly, just for laughs. It was a personal joke, but the kind that I don't need sitting out there and accidentally coming back up to hurt someone.

so far in this assignment I have found that I am 1) harboring and feeding negative feelings toward someone and 2) I need to practice Compassionate Driving. Maybe I will make it a new goal. As for that certain someone, I need to continue to think nicely about them and refrain fron further horrid speech.

practiced kapalabhati

11:30PM
Neti! trying to get 4 entries in, too. Tomorrow things may be easier. We will see. Phoebe came to see me.

OK, here is a theory...Animals are actually our next incarnation! We re all trying to move toward a more simple existence. Just trying to find bliss through our big, reasoning, thinking brains. I think it's more confusion. What we should strive for is an animal existence. To find bliss, simple life. We just keep descending to a simple organism. Or a simple spark of energy! When atoms fire, do they feel bliss?

21 Day - Day 4

9:45AM
Another loooong night. Spent at my brother's house. Hot room, cold air blowing, but kids awake every few hours. How I am getting home tonight in a 3 hour car drive--I do not know.

I washed dishes this morning for my brother's girlfriend while my younger son and nephew played together. I cherish mornings. I like to get up early and be with the kids, even at home. But when I travel or have family around, early morning is a quiet time for reflection and enjoyment of my family. More Ishvara Pranidana. And I got my nauli in.

I did steal someones wireless internet to get on the internet. Hey, if they don't lock it up, it's a gift!

5:45PM
HOME! Driving makes me crazy! I had massive negative thoughts about a guy that cut me off and I left my high-beams on him for 2 miles. I had considered that long distance driving was a bit meditative, but it is also very frustrating! I have no idea how to make up for my angry thoughts when I drive.

9:30PM
I had a brief conversation with my mother about my visit to my brother's house. We talked about their situation and I had a bit of frustration over somethings I am emotionally attached to, but have no ability to change. I have hope for them as a couple, but they need to communicate more, and share the burden of everything they go through. Neti and pranayama.

21 Day - Day 3

9:30AM
My son is still not sleeping well. Up every 2 hours last night. So, I was grumpy. My husband asked at one point inthe night if I was going to bring our son in our room to sleep with us. I snapped, "Fuck, no!" I really did not need to choose those exact words. I let my emotions take over, and my lack of sleep. and frustration.

Nauli this morning. Pranayama (three-lobed viloma).

7:00PM
Spent the day traveling to my brother's house. I ate way too much at dinner to compensate for the lack of food while driving. I did practice chanting int he car. Is difficult to keep my goals going with two kids who do not help. I did neti before we left house.

Tonight, I am referee. Boys are fighting over cousin's toys. they are tired, too. And a little sick. I spent time with all of them, though. And my nephew who seems to really enjoy me. That was a point of bliss today. My ishvara pranidana.

21 Day - Day 2

7:30AM
I did not get up on time today. Had to late because kids are sick, crying. I was impatient with my older son's crying. Partially because I messed up my own schedule getting up late.I need to reassure him when he gets up that it is OK to be cranky sometimes. I did do nauli.

1:00PM
Checking in. Not sure if I'll make all of my goals today. Missed pranayama this AM.

6:00PM
Still no time, behind all day. Had playdate this afternoon so got my kid time in. I tried to do pranayama again, did not happen.

10:30PM
Son woke up crying, can't breathe through nose. He would not stop crying I got fed up and said to him "please just shut up". I can't let my frustration that I can not help him get the better of me. He needs compassion, but I don't know what to do to get him to stop crying.

11:30PM
Neti done. Chanted Maha Gaiyatri Mantra. Nadi Shodana pranayama done.

21 Day - Day 1

9:30AM
Practiced Nauli and nadi shodana pranayama first thing this morning.
Old HS friend called this morning. Her son (my Godson) was accepted to SMC and UVM with great FA packages. She told me that I was a source of inspiration to her to guide her son through school to college. I felt very good about this, a little embarrassed, modest about my own achievements. But, happy that I provided an indirect "positive role model" all the same.
I did not see a police officer in a crosswalk today. I was distracted by pointing out the cars to my son. She was not in the cross walk, but on the side, waiting to cross. I need to be more aware.

11:30PM
I coveted my son's playgroup snack because I was "too busy" to pack one for myself. To steer my mind away from it, I practiced 3-lobed viloma pranayama.
I was irritated at a man for walking so slow and in my way at Costco. I was running late, but I knew it was not his fault. I just let my anger fill my thoughts.
I yelled out loud in the car, at a car in front of me for not paying attention to the signal. I immediately felt terrible because my youngest son was int eh car, and I try not to expel in from of them.
A few minutes later I slowed to let a man cross the street at the roundabout in Winooski.

4:20PM
Just spent over one hour playing with the kids. No phone, no TV, no computer.

7:25PM
On my way to yoga practice tonight I dwelled on a thought. A car had sped through our neighborhood earlier. I was angry at them, not even sure who it was. I had "daydreams" of what I would do if they had hit one of our kids. I should be blessed that my kids were not outside, but I still felt like the person needed to be scolded for excessive speeds.
Just finished asana. Very deep, I was very heavy in savasana. Also practiced meditation and chanting in class.

10:20PM
I am being accused of harboring a grudge. Someone has verbally "abused" me. And someone else is telling me to just look past it. The actual words said do not bother me. It is the manner in which they are said, and the fact that the abuser has no remorse. I am reminded of the Buddhist saying, "Treat those who are evil with disregard." I do not think this person is evil, but her actions certainly are not staying with the divine. I do not consider myself harboring a grudge, but merely treating her with disregard. Time to go do neti.