Attachment vs. Love

Sri Swami Satchidananda's words of wisdom this week touched on understanding attachment to help one understand cause of unhappiness:

“How can you maintain your happiness always? Ask yourself why you are unhappy. Every time you are unhappy over something, the first thing to do is to analyze the cause. You will always find there is attachment in some area. If you don’t want to be unhappy, you will come to the conclusion, ‘Oh, I should not be attached to that. When I am attached, I feel unhappy.’ You may ask, ‘But what about people?’ You can be friendly, you can love them, but you should not be attached to them. There is a difference between attachment and love. Love means that I must think of your benefit first. Attachment means I think of my benefit first."

I thought about this, and I recognize the connection of attachment to things and unhappiness. And I see how attachment to a person can cause unhappiness. But I'm not sure about the explanation of love versus attachment.

My son does not listen sometimes. It makes me unhappy when he does this--frustrated. But I love him. I am not frustrated because I am thinking about my benefit first, I am frustrated because I am thinking about his. I feel more unhappiness with people I love than with people I do not love because I care more about their health and well-being first.

Itsy Bitsy Yoga (books)

To gain more knowledge in my independent study, I checked out the Itsy Bitsy yoga books by Helen Garabedian. Itsy Bitsy Yoga: Poses to Help Your Baby Sleep Longer, Digest Better, Grow Stronger and Itsy Bitsy Yoga for Toddlers and Preschoolers: 8-minute Routines to Help Your Child Grow Smarter, Be Happier and Behave Better.

I have to set aside my marketing head because I was put off, at first, with the titles, particularly the subtitle "claims". Even with the word "help", they seem to say that yoga can be a quick fix for problem children. This is not true. And if you are already an attentive parent, you don't need these poses to make your kids better. It's more than yoga that makes a good kid.

This aside, I thought the poses and routines that Garabedian comes up with are creative and age-appropriate. She even respond to new moms in cute ways with a little itsy bitsy baby character that "talks" to parents as though it was their baby.

After reviewing Itsy Bitsy yoga online, and the training courses, this is a great marketing gimmick to encourage people to incorporate yoga into their children's lives and into their own lives. She offers great advice for teachers who are working with these age groups--for instance how to hold short-attention spans and adapt to children in this highly-exploratory stage of life.

Ready to teach?

After talking with a friend who owns a local fitness center about ashtanga yoga, she asked me if I wanted to teach a power yoga session. Am I ready? I asked myself. I could certainly guide people thought a session, but I am lacking self confidence. I thought about what was affecting my confidence: fear. I called her later and said I would love to do it. Then she asked if I wanted to do a regular session on the Fall schedule. Again, I felt the fear. Yes, I answered. I'm going to erase the fear and just do it.

A Flexible Knee

I had a memory resurface recently that demonstrates how our mind overpowers the abilities of our body. Over a decade ago, I tore my ACL and could not move my knee very much. During my knee surgery, I underwent a spinal so I could not feel anything below my waist. At one point, the doctor lifted up my leg and began moving it around, bending and twisting it at the knee like a doll's leg. It moved with much flexibility. It looked surreal because it did not seem like the same, stiff leg! The concept was that I was capable of doing these movements, but my mind was limiting myself.

Action Without Expectation

Today's Weekly Words of Wisdom from Sri Swami Satchidananda touch exactly on "pay if forward." Timely! He said, “If we perform an action for the good of others, without expectation, without any personal motive, then the reaction does not bind us. ” As we learn in physics, every action has an equal and opposite reaction. (a lot of what I read in the Yoga Sutras is boiled down to basic laws of physics--something I understand!) If we do an action with expectation of reward or recognition, we will thus absorb the recognition--good or bad--of the reaction. "Once we completely relieve ourselves from expectations, the mind becomes very clear."

Thinking calmly

Thursday evening I received a call from my grandparents who are in their mid-80s. They were in the area and wanted to take us to dinner. Spontaneity is a part of their life and I have not seen them in over 2 years so I happily agreed..and then my stress began. Where to go? How to get them there? Where will they stay? Questions began and my husband and I tried to think of a schedule of events for Friday night and Saturday morning that could accommodate these two special people.

Dinner was chaotic. Delays and cranky kids made for a miserable night for me. I was keyed up anxious and just wanted it all to end. I felt that I could not enjoy a conversation, or even talk for that matter.

I dreaded getting them at the hotel the next day and bringing them to my house for brunch. They were to follow me in their car. We got on he highway, I kept checking my rear view mirror to make sure they were still there. As I neared an exit, a car similar in color to mine merged in front of me, then exited the highway. I thought, I hope they don't follow that car. Again I checked mirror and my grandparents were still behind me. Good. As I passed the exit I checked again. To my ultimate frustration, they were making a last minute merge to get off the highway.

Loud expletives. Banging my head on the steering wheel. How the Hell could I find them? I got off the next exit, pulled some illegal maneuvers and got off the same exit. Now, which way did they turn? By this time I had calmed down. Although I was concerned, I said to myself, This will all work out. It may take all day, but it will all work out. It's not a big deal. I chose a turn and within a mile found them waiting in a parking lot facing the way we needed to go. With only a 10 minute delay, we were back on our way.

It was a moment I realized that even when things seem to fall apart, keeping a calm resolution guides you to the end of the problem. The rest of our visit was calm, pleasant and relaxed. I could finally enjoy spending time with my grandparents.

Pay it forward

While purchasing frames at Michael's, the customer in line behind me gave the cashier an extra coupon she had for me to use. I thanked her and told her that was very nice of her to do. Later, I reminded myself to use the four Ben & Jerry's coupons that I have had in my purse for several months because they expire soon. I really did not want four pints of ice cream, so I only got three for the guests I have arriving tonight. The cashier, a young man, was talking about how free ice cream was cool, esp Ben & Jerry's. Without hesitation, I gave him the last coupon and said "Enjoy." He was very appreciative and said it was better than getting a dollar tip for bagging groceries. It was not until this evening that I realized I had completed a small "pay it forward."

Vinyasa

I was puzzled by the term vinyasa. Some yoaga classes are called vinyasa. To someone that does not practice yoga frequently, what would they think of the term vinyasa yoga? I asked once, and was told that it mean the class had more flow to it, postures were not held very long. I took a "vinyasa" class once, and did not think it was very flowing, but to someone who is used to a more gentle, meditative yoga, that may be so. I have been primarily practicing Ashtanga yoga so I am not as familiar with other yoga. But it occurred to me that I needed better education on the term vinyasa.

Vinyasa is the coordination of one's breath with one's movement with the intention of heating and cleansing the body. A-ha! I understand this. In suryanamiskar A, there are nine vinyasas. Breathe in as you rise...breathe out as you fold...etc. This breath, in conjunction with the asana, and movement between asana, allows your body to create heat. Some benefits of creating this heat are to warm the muscles allowing for more flexibility and endurance, and increase circulation to move toxins and impurities out of your cells and out of the body.

Another aspect to vinyasa is stilling the mind. By conscious focus of the breath, we help clear our mind of "ripples". If we are busy thinking about breathing in and out, we have little room to dwell on unhappiness and problems. We shut out that which does not still our mind.

In effect, the practice of vinyasa increases the overall health and well-being of the body and mind.

Happiness is...

Finished Yoga Sutras

I finished the Yoga Sutras this evening. I have to go back and read a few I skipped over in the first book, but nevertheless it felt good to come to completion, especially on the eight limbs which are covered in Books 2-4.

I would like to meet Swami Satchidananda some day. His analogies and commentary was understandable and amusing at times, as though he was trying to lighten up some of the very heavy stuff. For instance, in Book Three, Suta 21 explains how one can become invisible. Satchidananda explains, "Oh boy! Do you want to become invisible?" I can almost hear him laugh as he writes.

I do have to think more about his explanation of Sutra 56 in Book Three. He explains that we are not here (on this Earth) to grasp a little of this and that. We should not settle for little things. I know this is a summary of the explanation of controlling wants and desires. But it sounds a little too "Dr. Phil". I do not watch Dr. Phil, but caught a bit of him during a commercial once telling a large group of people that none of them was happy. And that if any one of them would come forward and tell him that they ARE completely happy, then he would show them that they were not and help them find true happiness.

This bothered me. I am completely happy with my life. And I think it is because I have learned to find happiness in little things. Or happiness in situations that people stress over. There are forces constantly testing your will. If you let them get to you, they win. Learning how to deal with the little things is a part of life, and if you want to make your life happy, you need to find happiness in negative forces.

Moving along on paper topic

Still feeling exuberant from my discussion with son's preschool. I spent all day researching some books on children's yoga and found some potentially good ones and put them on my wishlist. I have asked my local library to get some for me inter-library loan. They did have Itsy Bitsy Yoga: Poses to Help Your Baby Sleep Longer, Digest Better, Grow Stronger by Helen Garabedian so I checked it out to look at when I have time.

I also did a search of children's yoga resources on the internet, I found a few places where you can pay to get certified as a children's yoga instructor. I think IBY is one of the more prominent, but Radiant Child, Yoga Kids and Let's Play Yoga were all offering to certify instructors for the right fee. The latter one lacking since the Web site had problems and resources were very outdated. They all use the same marketing gimmicks, but it shows how popular is the topic of yoga for kids.

Baby Om

My toddler is "omming". He started the other day, I think by mimicking me trying to remember the opening prayer. When I start Omming, he copies me. He loves it. I love it.

Narrowed down paper topic

As a part of our study, we must choose a topic related to yoga and research/write about it. My topic brainstorm ranged from the Use of Yoga in Physical Therapy to Yoga During the Lifecycle to the subject of God/Ishavara and Yoga. I finally chose something that is close to my life and something I think I can lend and gain some experience toward: Yoga for Children. Even this topic needed to be refined because I could write anything from Prenatal Yoga to Yoga for Like, um, Teens! My focus will be on developing an enriching yoga program for children between 2 and 5 years old.
I spoke to Kathy last night and she loved the idea. She offered many books in her personal library for research. She also said that I should find opportunities to teach yoga to kids, film them to critique myself, and write about it. As I drove home, it hit me that what better place for me to teach than my son's preschool?
Today, I approached the Director of the school and she was enthusiastic. I discussed why I was narrowing my topic and that I hoped that I could borrow some resources from her on the mental and physical development of children 2-5 years old. I asked if I could conduct my classes with her 2 y/os and preschool classes--maybe even the kindergarten group--next Fall. This gives me all summer to research and development my program. I have delusions of outlining a 6-week program for three groups: 2 year olds, 3-4 year olds, and 5 year olds.
It is interesting how serendipity works. She asked me if I would be interested in conducting the program after for compensation! I was thrilled! This is the second open invitation I have had to teach yoga just based on the fact I am telling people that I am interested in pursing my certificate.
Recently, I was thinking about how much I will miss playing with my "babies" when they grow up. Even my oldest has changed and is talking back and delivering attitude that is frustrating. That 18-month to 3-year time frame seems to be a golden era and is so much fun. Teaching yoga to children seems to be a good way for me to spend time with kids of this age--a touch of the fountain of youth. :)

Thoughts from tonight's practice

First, my hubby came home in a tizzy about me asking him to commit to coming home on time so I can attend yoga. This was very frustrating because the message I am receiving is that his work is more important than family and my commitment to yoga study is being belittled. We must work this one out.
While in class, I was doing my best to remember the primary series in order. It helps on evenings when a "new" student is there, because Kathy is very good about detailing what comes next. Tonight, I got to Marichasana D before I started to blank out. Slow progress is better than no progress! I did learn tonight that I have been doing Marichasana A & B incorrectly. Kathy caught me perplexed when it dawned on me and asked how I was doing. I was not sure what to say so instead of explaining, I covered it up as though it was my best this evening. I don't like to ramble in class, and I know I can, so sometimes it's just easier to brush it off.
I did stop to admire some of the other students. I am much better about not comparing myself to others now. I know that my study is not as far along as others, and I am blessed to be in the company of many knowledgeable and 'seasoned' students. I still enjoy watching how others flow. Especially some of the students who can transition fluidly from one asana to the next. Their strength and agility is inspiring to watch; profound how far along they have come in their dedication to yoga practice.
Of course, I was unable to shake the frustration I felt from my husband's hasty words so I figured an alternative and presented it to him this evening. To have a neighbor girl come watch the boys for an hour before he comes home and I go off to yoga. It's worth it to me to pay a little more to remedy the situation, because no matter how I argue with my husband about his priorities, I will not win. He uses verbal guilt--as though I should act honored to be able to spend his time. This is a way of thinking he uses on everyone and no amount of discussion will change his core beliefs.

A Smiling Mommy

I think we are doing something right.
Today, my 4 year old got on a 2-wheel bike and just rode it! No help from parents. He has a bike with training wheels, but it's a little to big for him to learn his balance. He tried a neighbor's small bike to get his balance, then tried an even smaller bike and rode it.
He has good natural balance and we have offered him opportunities to learn this at a young age. He learned to ski this past winter, he's been swimming regularly at preschool, and we do a lot of physical activities with him. I even do yoga with him, and sometimes HE comes to ME to do yoga with him. It's a game to him, but it still gets me off my butt and into poses with him. I can even tell him a few poses and he does them on his own.